0 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 1 00:00:35,164 --> 00:00:37,700 'Far back in the mists of ancient time, 2 00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:41,725 'in the great and glorious days of the former Galactic Empire, 3 00:00:41,845 --> 00:00:46,056 'life was wild, rich and, on the whole, tax-free. 4 00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:48,578 'Mighty starships plied their way 5 00:00:48,698 --> 00:00:51,594 'between exotic suns, seeking adventure and reward 6 00:00:51,714 --> 00:00:54,788 'amongst the furthest reaches of Galactic space. 7 00:00:55,070 --> 00:01:00,440 'In those days, spirits were brave, stakes were high, men were real men, 8 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,335 'women were real women, 9 00:01:02,455 --> 00:01:05,221 'and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri 10 00:01:05,341 --> 00:01:09,407 'were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. 11 00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:13,200 'All dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, 12 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:17,040 'to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before. 13 00:01:17,391 --> 00:01:20,695 'And thus was the Empire forged. 14 00:01:31,238 --> 00:01:33,751 'Many men, of course, became extremely rich, 15 00:01:33,871 --> 00:01:36,472 'but this was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of, 16 00:01:36,592 --> 00:01:40,407 'because no one was really poor - at least no one worth speaking of. 17 00:01:44,928 --> 00:01:47,159 'And for these extremely rich merchants, 18 00:01:47,279 --> 00:01:50,159 'life eventually became rather dull, 19 00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:54,421 'and it seemed that none of the worlds they settled on 20 00:01:54,541 --> 00:01:57,271 'was entirely satisfactory. 21 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,236 'Either the climate wasn't quite right 22 00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:05,681 'in the later part of the afternoon... 23 00:02:07,677 --> 00:02:11,046 'or the day was half an hour too long... 24 00:02:13,019 --> 00:02:16,630 '... or the sea was just the wrong shade of pink.' 25 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:24,000 'And thus were created the conditions 26 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,800 'for a staggering new form of industry - 27 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,795 'custom-made luxury planet building. 28 00:02:32,049 --> 00:02:35,370 'The home of this industry was the planet Magrathea, 29 00:02:35,490 --> 00:02:38,984 'where vast hyperspatial engineering works were constructed 30 00:02:39,104 --> 00:02:41,763 'to suck matter through white holes in space 31 00:02:41,883 --> 00:02:44,156 'and form it into dream planets, 32 00:02:44,276 --> 00:02:47,029 'lovingly made to meet the exacting standards 33 00:02:47,149 --> 00:02:49,624 'of the Galaxy's richest men. 34 00:02:49,929 --> 00:02:52,111 'And so successful was this venture 35 00:02:52,231 --> 00:02:56,592 'that very soon Magrathea itself became the richest planet of all time 36 00:02:56,712 --> 00:03:00,340 'and the rest of the Galaxy was reduced to abject poverty. 37 00:03:00,915 --> 00:03:02,747 'And so the system broke down. 38 00:03:02,867 --> 00:03:04,508 'The Empire collapsed 39 00:03:04,628 --> 00:03:09,181 'and a long, sullen silence settled over the Galaxy... 40 00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:11,341 'Magrathea itself disappeared 41 00:03:11,461 --> 00:03:15,262 'and its memory soon passed into the obscurity of legend. 42 00:03:16,624 --> 00:03:21,080 'In these enlightened days, no one believes a word of it.' 43 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,114 I don't believe a word of it. 44 00:03:28,867 --> 00:03:31,858 Listen to me, Ford, I've found it. I swear I've found it! 45 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:33,352 - Magrathea? - Yeah! 46 00:03:33,472 --> 00:03:37,299 - A non-existent planet. - Yeah, er, no... Listen... it's... 47 00:03:37,419 --> 00:03:39,786 Myth. Magrathea's a fairy story. 48 00:03:39,906 --> 00:03:42,971 What you tell kids if you want them to grow up to become economists. 49 00:03:43,091 --> 00:03:44,579 We are currently in orbit around it! 50 00:03:44,699 --> 00:03:48,147 YOU may be in orbit around it! 51 00:03:48,267 --> 00:03:49,404 - Computer! - Oh, no! 52 00:03:49,524 --> 00:03:52,764 Hi, there, this is Eddie, your shipboard computer, 53 00:03:52,884 --> 00:03:55,039 and I'm feeling just great, guys. 54 00:03:55,159 --> 00:04:00,065 I'll get a bundle of kicks out of any program you care to run! 55 00:04:00,185 --> 00:04:03,649 - Is this necessary? - Computer, what is our trajectory? 56 00:04:03,769 --> 00:04:05,375 A real pleasure, fella! 57 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:08,897 We are currently in orbit at an altitude of 300 miles 58 00:04:09,017 --> 00:04:12,546 around the legendary planet Magrathea. Golly! 59 00:04:12,666 --> 00:04:15,845 Proving nothing. I wouldn't trust that computer to speak my weight! 60 00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:18,249 - I can do that! - No, thank you 61 00:04:18,369 --> 00:04:22,899 I can even work out your personality problems to ten decimal places. 62 00:04:23,019 --> 00:04:27,289 Take us down, Computer. Take us down nice and low. 63 00:04:38,307 --> 00:04:39,481 What's going on? 64 00:04:40,127 --> 00:04:43,474 According to Zaphod, Magrathea is this legendary planet, 65 00:04:43,594 --> 00:04:45,899 which no one seriously believes in. 66 00:04:46,251 --> 00:04:47,977 And now we're going to land on it. 67 00:04:48,259 --> 00:04:52,028 Oh? Is there any tea on this spaceship? 68 00:04:53,214 --> 00:04:56,715 That is the planet we're orbiting around 69 00:04:56,835 --> 00:04:59,439 and that is Magrathea! They're the same! 70 00:04:59,559 --> 00:05:02,518 - Check, check, check! - Check, check, check (!) 71 00:05:02,638 --> 00:05:05,089 Can we see it at all, Computer? 72 00:05:05,209 --> 00:05:06,964 - Hi, there. - Can we see it 73 00:05:07,084 --> 00:05:10,099 From up here? No way! You wouldn't want to anyway. 74 00:05:10,219 --> 00:05:13,595 It's just cold and grey and a whole bunch of no fun. 75 00:05:13,715 --> 00:05:15,947 Great! For this, I got my ears pierced! 76 00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:20,560 With half the Empire's wealth stored on it, it can afford to look frumpy! 77 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,449 - I don't believe you. - Why not? 78 00:05:22,569 --> 00:05:25,854 You tend to lie a lot. I think it's just any old dead planet. 79 00:05:26,312 --> 00:05:27,927 The suspense is killing me (!) 80 00:05:29,712 --> 00:05:33,502 'Stress and nervous tension are now serious social problems 81 00:05:33,622 --> 00:05:35,171 'in all parts of the Galaxy, 82 00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:37,215 'and it is in order that this situation 83 00:05:37,335 --> 00:05:39,439 'should not be in any way exacerbated 84 00:05:39,559 --> 00:05:42,750 'that the following facts will now be revealed in advance. 85 00:05:43,419 --> 00:05:46,445 'The planet in question is, in fact, Magrathea. 86 00:05:46,727 --> 00:05:49,028 'The missile attack shortly to be launched 87 00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:51,060 'by an ancient automatic defence system 88 00:05:51,424 --> 00:05:54,910 'will merely result in the breakage of three coffee cups 89 00:05:56,322 --> 00:06:01,760 'and a mouse cage, the bruising of someone's upper arm 90 00:06:02,075 --> 00:06:07,144 'and the untimely creation and demise of a bowl of petunias... 91 00:06:07,264 --> 00:06:09,680 'and an innocent sperm whale. 92 00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:13,846 'In order that some sense of mystery should still be preserved, 93 00:06:13,966 --> 00:06:15,712 'no revelation will yet be made 94 00:06:15,832 --> 00:06:18,393 'concerning whose upper arm has been bruised. 95 00:06:18,815 --> 00:06:21,845 'This fact may safely be made the subject of suspense 96 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,498 'since it is of no significance whatsoever. 97 00:06:25,626 --> 00:06:28,226 'Arthur's next question is very complex and difficult 98 00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:32,265 'and Zaphod's answer is wrong in every important respect.' 99 00:06:32,385 --> 00:06:33,081 Is it safe? 100 00:06:33,201 --> 00:06:36,427 Of course! It's been dead for five million years. 101 00:06:38,529 --> 00:06:40,100 Greetings to you. 102 00:06:40,220 --> 00:06:42,650 Computer, what's this? 103 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:46,509 A five-million-year-old holotape being broadcast at us. 104 00:06:46,629 --> 00:06:48,390 This is a recorded announcement 105 00:06:48,510 --> 00:06:51,520 as I'm afraid we're all out at the moment. 106 00:06:51,865 --> 00:06:54,282 The Commercial Council of Magrathea... 107 00:06:54,402 --> 00:06:57,720 - A voice from ancient Magrathea! - OK, OK! 108 00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:01,879 ... regrets that the entire planet is temporarily closed for business. 109 00:07:01,999 --> 00:07:02,877 Thank you. 110 00:07:03,232 --> 00:07:04,850 Leave your name 111 00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:07,917 and the address of the planet where you can be contacted 112 00:07:08,037 --> 00:07:10,678 when you hear the tone. 113 00:07:12,686 --> 00:07:14,400 They want us to leave. What do we do? 114 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:18,040 - We keep going. Got that, Computer - Got it! 115 00:07:22,454 --> 00:07:24,274 It is most gratifying 116 00:07:24,394 --> 00:07:28,840 that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated... 117 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,969 and so we would like to assure you that the guided missiles 118 00:07:33,089 --> 00:07:35,704 currently converging with your ship 119 00:07:35,824 --> 00:07:37,493 are part of a special service 120 00:07:37,613 --> 00:07:42,568 we extend to all of our most enthusiastic clients, 121 00:07:42,688 --> 00:07:46,080 and the fully-armed nuclear warheads 122 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,160 are, of course, merely a courtesy detail. 123 00:07:49,394 --> 00:07:54,720 We look forward to your custom in future lives. Thank you. 124 00:07:56,224 --> 00:07:59,080 If that's their sales pitch, what's the complaints department like? 125 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:03,840 Listen, you semi-evolved simian! Will you crowbar this into your cranium? 126 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:06,538 We just triggered off an ancient recording device. 127 00:08:06,658 --> 00:08:10,400 - It doesn't apply to us. - And the missiles? 128 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:13,306 Missiles? You want to make me laugh? Show me some missiles! 129 00:08:13,735 --> 00:08:16,805 I think they're going to have a very good try at applying to us. 130 00:08:17,124 --> 00:08:17,861 What? 131 00:08:24,175 --> 00:08:27,480 Terrific! They're trying to kill us! You know what that means? 132 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,472 - Yes, we're going to die. - Yeah... no... maybe... 133 00:08:30,592 --> 00:08:33,652 It means there's something down there they don't want us to have, 134 00:08:33,772 --> 00:08:35,580 and if they don't want us to have it that badly, 135 00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:38,967 - I want to have it even worse. - So there is someone down there? 136 00:08:39,087 --> 00:08:41,720 No. It's automatic defence systems. 137 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,760 - What are we going to do? - Just keep cool. 138 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:44,697 Is that all? 139 00:08:44,817 --> 00:08:47,808 Er, no, we're also going to take evasive action. 140 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:50,014 Computer, what evasive action can we take? 141 00:08:50,134 --> 00:08:53,520 - Er, none, I'm afraid, guys. - Or something... 142 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,744 There's something jamming my guidance systems. 143 00:08:55,864 --> 00:08:58,708 Impact minus 150 seconds. 144 00:08:58,828 --> 00:09:01,315 Sorry. I didn't mean that. 145 00:09:01,435 --> 00:09:03,889 Please call me Eddie if it will help you relax. 146 00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:08,232 Right, Computer, I want full manual control of this ship now! 147 00:09:08,352 --> 00:09:12,240 - You got it. - But can you fly her? 148 00:09:12,529 --> 00:09:13,997 - No. Can you? - No. 149 00:09:14,117 --> 00:09:15,406 - Ford? - No. 150 00:09:15,526 --> 00:09:17,801 Fine. We'll do it together. 151 00:09:17,921 --> 00:09:19,562 - I can't either. - I'd guessed. 152 00:09:19,682 --> 00:09:21,664 Computer, activate the manual consoles. 153 00:09:21,784 --> 00:09:26,293 Sure thing. Good luck, guys. Impact minus 125 seconds. 154 00:09:26,413 --> 00:09:28,242 Here goes! 155 00:09:33,056 --> 00:09:36,693 - We're veering too far. - She's going into a spin! 156 00:09:36,813 --> 00:09:40,136 Then, dive her out of it! Dive! Dive! 157 00:09:42,961 --> 00:09:45,192 'It is, of course, more or less at this point 158 00:09:45,312 --> 00:09:49,100 'that one of our heroes sustains a slight bruise to the upper arm. 159 00:09:49,382 --> 00:09:52,730 'This should be emphasised because, as has already been revealed, 160 00:09:52,850 --> 00:09:55,267 'they escape otherwise completely unharmed, 161 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:59,294 'and the deadly nuclear missiles do not eventually hit the ship. 162 00:09:59,414 --> 00:10:03,320 'Our heroes' safety is absolutely assured. ' 163 00:10:03,791 --> 00:10:05,680 Impact minus 88 seconds, guys. 164 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,942 You can't shake them! We're going to die! 165 00:10:09,062 --> 00:10:11,520 # When you walk through the storm 166 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,320 # Hold your head up high... # 167 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,350 Shut that bloody computer up! 168 00:10:16,470 --> 00:10:20,460 Zaph, do you think we can stabilise at X00 547 169 00:10:20,580 --> 00:10:22,490 if we split our flight path 170 00:10:22,610 --> 00:10:24,898 tangentially across the vector of 9 GX 78 171 00:10:25,018 --> 00:10:27,240 with a 5-degree inertial correction? 172 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:32,370 What? Yes, I expect so. Just do it! Do you think she's bluffing? 173 00:10:32,828 --> 00:10:34,213 Here goes! 174 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:42,000 Hey, where'd you learn a stunt like that? 175 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,043 Going round Hyde Park Corner on a moped. 176 00:10:44,163 --> 00:10:47,400 - What? - I'll tell you later. Hold tight. 177 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,792 # And you'll never walk alone... # 178 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:04,274 The missiles are gaining on us! We are quite definitely going to die! 179 00:11:11,412 --> 00:11:14,148 Hey! Why don't we use the Improbability Drive? 180 00:11:14,268 --> 00:11:17,398 Are you crazy? Without programming, anything could happen. 181 00:11:17,518 --> 00:11:20,292 Whereas, at the moment, we just definitely die. Is that it? 182 00:11:20,412 --> 00:11:24,085 Does anyone have a good reason for not using the Improbability Drive? 183 00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:28,600 It's been great getting to know all you guys. God bless. 184 00:11:28,838 --> 00:11:33,053 Does anyone have a good reason for not using the Improb...? 185 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:49,312 - What the photon happened? - Well, there's this switch here... 186 00:11:49,432 --> 00:11:52,920 - Where are we? - Exactly where we were, I think. 187 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:54,754 What about the missiles? 188 00:11:54,874 --> 00:11:57,614 Well, according to this, they have turned into a bowl of petunias 189 00:11:57,734 --> 00:11:59,425 and a very surprised-looking whale. 190 00:11:59,545 --> 00:12:06,806 At an Improbability Level of 8,767,128 to 1 against. 191 00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:11,346 - Did you think of that, Earthman? - Well, all I did was... 192 00:12:11,466 --> 00:12:14,360 That's a pretty hoopy piece of thinking, you know that? 193 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,346 - It was nothing, really... - Was it? Oh, well, forget it. 194 00:12:17,466 --> 00:12:19,617 OK, Computer, take us in to land. 195 00:12:19,737 --> 00:12:23,200 I say it was nothing... Obviously, it was something. 196 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,453 I was just trying to say 197 00:12:25,573 --> 00:12:28,071 that it's not worth making too much of a fuss about... 198 00:12:28,191 --> 00:12:29,340 saving everybody's lives... 199 00:12:29,460 --> 00:12:32,040 'Another thing that nobody made too much fuss about 200 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,318 'was that, against all probability, 201 00:12:34,438 --> 00:12:37,987 'a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence 202 00:12:38,107 --> 00:12:41,307 'some miles above the surface of an alien planet. 203 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,844 'And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, 204 00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:47,350 'this innocent creature had very little time 205 00:12:47,470 --> 00:12:50,725 'to come to terms with its identity as a whale 206 00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:55,700 'before it had to come to terms with suddenly not being a whale any more.' 207 00:12:55,820 --> 00:12:58,600 Ah! What's happening? Er, excuse me? 208 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:03,570 Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? 209 00:13:03,690 --> 00:13:05,272 What do I mean by, "Who am I"? 210 00:13:05,392 --> 00:13:06,895 Calm down! Get a grip now! 211 00:13:07,015 --> 00:13:10,394 Oh, this is an interesting sensation. 212 00:13:10,514 --> 00:13:15,643 It's a sort of yawning, tingling sensation in my... my... 213 00:13:15,763 --> 00:13:18,212 Well, I better start finding names for things... 214 00:13:18,332 --> 00:13:20,972 So let's call it my stomach. 215 00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:24,948 So, a yawning, tingling sensation in my stomach. 216 00:13:25,068 --> 00:13:26,242 And that whistling, roaring sound? 217 00:13:26,362 --> 00:13:28,100 That can be wind. 218 00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:33,880 Perhaps I can find a better name for it later... 219 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,709 Hey, what's this thing? 220 00:13:36,829 --> 00:13:39,589 Let's call it a tail! Yeah, tail. 221 00:13:39,709 --> 00:13:45,760 Hey, I can really thrash it about pretty good, can't I? Wow! Wow! Hey! 222 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:46,969 Doesn't seem to achieve much, 223 00:13:47,089 --> 00:13:49,159 but I'll probably figure out what it's for later on. 224 00:13:49,279 --> 00:13:51,449 Oh, hey, this is really exciting! 225 00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:54,872 So much to find out about, so much to look forward to, 226 00:13:54,992 --> 00:13:59,554 I'm dizzy with anticipation... 227 00:13:59,674 --> 00:14:04,605 What's this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? 228 00:14:04,725 --> 00:14:06,440 Very, very fast... 229 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:10,996 so big and flat and wide, it needs a big, wide-sounding word... 230 00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:15,720 like round... round... ground! 231 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:20,160 That's it-ground! I wonder if it will be friends with me? 232 00:14:21,386 --> 00:14:22,408 'Curiously enough, 233 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:26,916 'the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias was: 234 00:14:30,058 --> 00:14:31,417 'Many people have speculated 235 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:35,116 'that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that, 236 00:14:35,236 --> 00:14:38,590 'we should know a lot more about the Universe than we do now. 237 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,488 'Meanwhile, Trillian is about to announce 238 00:14:41,608 --> 00:14:43,700 'a discovery of huge importance, 239 00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:47,091 'though this is not immediately recognised by her companions.' 240 00:14:47,211 --> 00:14:52,920 - Hey, my white mice have escaped! - Nuts to your white mice! 241 00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:02,522 - Are we taking the Paranoid Android? - Yeah, we'll take him. 242 00:15:02,642 --> 00:15:05,527 Don't feel you have to notice me (!) 243 00:15:05,647 --> 00:15:08,629 What are you supposed to do with a manically depressed robot? 244 00:15:08,970 --> 00:15:10,883 You think you've got problems? 245 00:15:11,003 --> 00:15:15,221 What are you supposed to do if you ARE a manically depressed robot? 246 00:15:15,341 --> 00:15:17,686 No, don't try to answer that. 247 00:15:17,806 --> 00:15:23,240 I'm 50,000 times as intelligent as you and even I don't know the answer. 248 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:27,211 It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level! 249 00:15:28,455 --> 00:15:29,866 Good afternoon, boys. 250 00:15:29,986 --> 00:15:31,850 - What's that? - The computer. 251 00:15:31,970 --> 00:15:35,866 It's an emergency back-up personality that I thought might work out better. 252 00:15:35,986 --> 00:15:38,238 Now, this is going to be your first day on a strange planet, 253 00:15:38,358 --> 00:15:42,240 so wrap up warm and no playing with any monsters. 254 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,800 - A slide rule might be better (!) - Who said that? 255 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,659 Open up that exit hatch, please. 256 00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:50,432 Not until whoever said that owns up. 257 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,160 Oh, God! 258 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:57,120 I'm waiting. I can wait all day if necessary! 259 00:15:58,289 --> 00:16:02,032 Computer, if you don't open that exit hatch pretty damn pronto, 260 00:16:02,152 --> 00:16:05,151 I shall go straight to your major data banks with a very large axe 261 00:16:05,271 --> 00:16:10,150 and give you a reprogramming you'll never forget. 262 00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:14,088 OK, get the axe. 263 00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:21,520 Please enjoy your day on this planet. 264 00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:26,880 I can see this relationship is something we'll have to work at. 265 00:16:27,259 --> 00:16:30,200 OK, come on, you guys. Let's go! 266 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:31,529 Yeah! 267 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,851 It's fantastic! 268 00:16:38,971 --> 00:16:40,541 Desolate hole! 269 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,283 It's so stark and dreary! 270 00:16:51,403 --> 00:16:55,520 It's absolutely fantastic! It's only just getting through to me. 271 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,675 A whole new alien world, thousands of light years away from home... 272 00:16:59,910 --> 00:17:01,037 Pity it's such a dump! 273 00:17:01,157 --> 00:17:04,032 I could have a better time in a cat litter. 274 00:17:20,985 --> 00:17:21,901 What's this? 275 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:26,051 - Whalemeat. - Eugh! 276 00:17:29,664 --> 00:17:32,360 Come on, you guys, we've got to get into this planet! 277 00:17:32,670 --> 00:17:33,985 I'm not into it! 278 00:17:34,105 --> 00:17:37,080 - INTO it! - INTO it? 279 00:17:37,576 --> 00:17:39,760 Would you stay out here in a dump like this? 280 00:17:40,124 --> 00:17:42,252 The Magratheans all lived underground, you know. 281 00:17:42,372 --> 00:17:44,823 Why-was the surface polluted or over-populated? 282 00:17:44,943 --> 00:17:46,936 No, they just didn't like it very much. 283 00:17:48,803 --> 00:17:50,908 There's an opening in the ground. 284 00:17:52,141 --> 00:17:53,200 Looks like a tunnel. 285 00:17:53,421 --> 00:17:56,659 OK, guys, here we go! 286 00:17:56,779 --> 00:17:58,810 Let's get on in there! 287 00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:04,120 Into the interior of the planet! 288 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,440 That is where we have to go! 289 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,755 Down into the very depths of time itself, 290 00:18:09,875 --> 00:18:14,100 where no man has trod these five million years! 291 00:18:14,220 --> 00:18:18,069 We are not going to be great, we are not going to be amazing - 292 00:18:18,189 --> 00:18:22,129 we are going to be amazingly amazing! 293 00:18:24,207 --> 00:18:28,395 - Sounds awful! - Can it, Marvin! 294 00:18:32,915 --> 00:18:38,451 Life, loathe it or ignore it - you can't like it! 295 00:18:42,546 --> 00:18:44,202 Are you sure you know what you're doing? 296 00:18:44,322 --> 00:18:46,520 We've been attacked once already! 297 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,135 Look, kid, I promise you, 298 00:18:48,255 --> 00:18:51,946 the live population of this planet is nil plus the five of us. 299 00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:54,623 Let's get on in there, OK? 300 00:18:54,951 --> 00:18:56,234 OK. 301 00:18:59,698 --> 00:19:01,388 Hey, Earthman... 302 00:19:01,952 --> 00:19:03,384 - Earthman... - Arthur. 303 00:19:03,504 --> 00:19:06,408 Yeah, could you just sort of keep the robot with you 304 00:19:06,528 --> 00:19:08,184 and guard this end of the passage? 305 00:19:08,304 --> 00:19:11,389 Guard? What from? You said there was no one here! 306 00:19:11,509 --> 00:19:15,040 Yeah, well, just for safety, OK? 307 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,100 Whose? Yours or mine? 308 00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:19,754 Good lad. OK, here we go! 309 00:19:24,239 --> 00:19:26,826 Well, I hope you all have a really miserable time! 310 00:19:26,946 --> 00:19:30,454 - Don't worry! They will. - Come on! 311 00:19:38,335 --> 00:19:42,961 - Hey, spooky, eh? - And dark. 312 00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:45,520 You've still got your sunglasses on. 313 00:19:45,838 --> 00:19:46,413 Too right! 314 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:48,092 Look at this! 315 00:19:48,212 --> 00:19:51,537 Any idea what those strange symbols on the walls are, Zaphod? 316 00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:56,186 Yeah! They're strange symbols of some kind. 317 00:19:56,867 --> 00:19:59,360 It's hard to tell with my shades on! 318 00:20:00,411 --> 00:20:02,466 I wish I had heads like you, Zaphod. 319 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:06,147 I could have endless fun bashing them against walls! 320 00:20:06,267 --> 00:20:08,000 Hey, don't bug me, Ford! 321 00:20:08,883 --> 00:20:10,562 - Yeah! - Yeah? 322 00:20:10,984 --> 00:20:17,231 Yeah! These are the greatest shades in the known sky! Look at the copy. 323 00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:25,600 "Joo Janta 200 SuperChromatic Peril-Sensitive sunglasses. 324 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,600 "To help you develop a relaxed attitude to danger. 325 00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:31,640 "At the first hint of trouble, they turn black 326 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,776 "and thus prevent you from seeing anything that might alarm you." 327 00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:37,970 You're mad! 328 00:20:41,563 --> 00:20:44,573 I thought I just saw a movement down at the end of the corridor! 329 00:20:44,693 --> 00:20:51,418 No... it's just shadows... There's no one here. 330 00:20:51,923 --> 00:20:52,945 Trust me. 331 00:20:53,356 --> 00:20:58,447 Zaphod, mate, I'd trust you as far as I could comfortably spit a rat! 332 00:20:59,117 --> 00:21:00,761 This is a dead planet, man! 333 00:21:00,881 --> 00:21:03,280 There's definitely something there. 334 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:04,607 No... 335 00:21:09,069 --> 00:21:10,513 Listen... 336 00:21:14,965 --> 00:21:18,520 Night's falling. Look, Robot, the stars are coming out. 337 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:22,843 - I know. Wretched, isn't it? - But that sunset...! 338 00:21:23,665 --> 00:21:26,320 I've never seen anything like it in my wildest dreams! 339 00:21:27,188 --> 00:21:29,920 The two suns... It was like... 340 00:21:30,804 --> 00:21:33,440 mountains of fire, boiling into space! 341 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:37,359 I've seen it. It's rubbish. 342 00:21:38,134 --> 00:21:39,872 We only had the one sun at home. 343 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:41,653 I came from a planet called Earth. 344 00:21:41,773 --> 00:21:45,680 I know. You keep going on about it. It sounds awful. 345 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,567 Ah, no! It was a beautiful place. 346 00:21:49,014 --> 00:21:50,587 Did it have oceans? 347 00:21:50,707 --> 00:21:54,960 Oh, yes, great, big, wide, rolling, blue oceans. 348 00:21:55,413 --> 00:21:57,513 Can't bear oceans. 349 00:21:58,617 --> 00:22:00,760 Tell me, do you get on well with other robots? 350 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,511 Hate them. Where are you going? 351 00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:06,847 I think I'll take a short walk. 352 00:22:07,470 --> 00:22:09,437 Don't blame you. 353 00:22:23,328 --> 00:22:26,800 You choose a cold night to visit our dead planet. 354 00:22:27,085 --> 00:22:28,436 Who are you? 355 00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:31,120 My name is not important. 356 00:22:31,954 --> 00:22:32,840 You startled me. 357 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,942 Do not be alarmed. I will not harm you. 358 00:22:36,846 --> 00:22:38,680 But you shot at us. The missiles... 359 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,560 An automatic system. 360 00:22:41,002 --> 00:22:45,015 Ancient computers ranged in the long caves 361 00:22:45,135 --> 00:22:48,569 deep in the bowels of the planet tick away the dark millennia, 362 00:22:48,689 --> 00:22:51,541 and the ages hang heavy on their dusty databanks. 363 00:22:51,661 --> 00:22:54,698 They take the occasional potshot to relieve the monotony. 364 00:22:55,367 --> 00:22:58,021 I'm a great fan of science, you know. 365 00:22:58,244 --> 00:22:58,819 Really? 366 00:22:58,939 --> 00:23:00,052 Oh, yes. 367 00:23:05,665 --> 00:23:06,760 Er... 368 00:23:07,321 --> 00:23:08,120 Er... 369 00:23:09,798 --> 00:23:10,760 You seem ill at ease. 370 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:17,511 OH! Yes, well, actually, I don't think we expected anyone to be about, in fact. 371 00:23:18,344 --> 00:23:20,904 No disrespect, but I gathered you were all dead. 372 00:23:21,024 --> 00:23:25,160 Dead? No, we have but slept for five million years. 373 00:23:25,530 --> 00:23:27,226 Nothing much seems to have changed. 374 00:23:28,788 --> 00:23:29,915 Slept? 375 00:23:30,831 --> 00:23:33,590 Yes, through the economic recession. 376 00:23:34,036 --> 00:23:35,219 Economic recession? 377 00:23:35,339 --> 00:23:39,117 Five million years ago, the Galactic economy collapsed, 378 00:23:39,457 --> 00:23:43,271 and seeing that custom-built planets are something of a luxury commodity... 379 00:23:43,391 --> 00:23:46,194 - You know we built planets? - Well, I had sort of gathered that. 380 00:23:46,314 --> 00:23:50,704 Fascinating trade. Doing the coastlines was always my favourite... 381 00:23:51,279 --> 00:23:55,072 Used to have endless fun doing all the little fiddly bits round fjords. 382 00:23:55,776 --> 00:23:57,737 Well, anyway, the recession came, 383 00:23:57,857 --> 00:24:02,008 and we thought it would save a lot of bother if we just slept through it. 384 00:24:02,128 --> 00:24:06,064 So we programmed the computers to revive us when it was all over. 385 00:24:06,710 --> 00:24:11,122 They were index-linked to the Galactic stock market prices, 386 00:24:11,242 --> 00:24:13,010 so that we'd all be revived 387 00:24:13,327 --> 00:24:16,051 when everybody else had rebuilt the economy enough 388 00:24:16,171 --> 00:24:18,848 to be able to afford our services. 389 00:24:18,968 --> 00:24:20,636 Isn't that rather unethical? 390 00:24:20,756 --> 00:24:23,419 Is it? I'm a bit out of touch. 391 00:24:24,111 --> 00:24:25,462 Is that your robot? 392 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:27,640 No, I'm mine. 393 00:24:27,878 --> 00:24:31,440 If you'd call it a robot-it's more like an electronic sulking machine. 394 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:32,332 Bring it. 395 00:24:32,578 --> 00:24:34,440 "Bring it"! 396 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,800 On second thoughts, leave it here. 397 00:24:37,169 --> 00:24:41,000 Bring it! Leave it! I think I'll turn myself off! 398 00:24:41,244 --> 00:24:44,008 You must come with me. Great things are afoot. 399 00:24:45,722 --> 00:24:48,009 Come. Come now or you will be late. 400 00:24:48,129 --> 00:24:49,538 Late? What for? 401 00:24:50,548 --> 00:24:52,074 What is your name, human? 402 00:24:52,368 --> 00:24:53,769 Dent, Arthur Dent. 403 00:24:53,889 --> 00:24:57,200 Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent. 404 00:24:57,668 --> 00:24:59,370 It's a sort of threat, you see. 405 00:24:59,746 --> 00:25:01,495 Never been terribly good at them myself, 406 00:25:01,615 --> 00:25:03,986 but I'm told they can be terribly effective. 407 00:25:09,908 --> 00:25:11,448 What an extraordinary person! 408 00:25:11,835 --> 00:25:12,840 Pardon? 409 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:16,360 Er... nothing. Where are we going? 410 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,940 We are going deep into the bowels of the planet, 411 00:25:19,060 --> 00:25:23,919 where our race is being revived from its five-million-year-old slumber. 412 00:25:25,058 --> 00:25:27,242 Magrathea awakes! 413 00:25:57,290 --> 00:26:00,440 Excuse me, what is your name, by the way? 414 00:26:01,388 --> 00:26:02,715 My name? 415 00:26:04,722 --> 00:26:07,160 My name is Slartibartfast. 416 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:08,720 I beg your pardon? 417 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:10,640 Slartibartfast. 418 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,268 Slartibartfast? 419 00:26:16,321 --> 00:26:18,360 I said it wasn't important. 420 00:26:19,861 --> 00:26:22,291 'It is an important and popular fact 421 00:26:22,411 --> 00:26:25,320 'that things are not always what they seem. 422 00:26:26,183 --> 00:26:27,122 'For instance... 423 00:26:27,242 --> 00:26:28,132 'on the planet Earth, 424 00:26:28,252 --> 00:26:32,579 'man had always assumed he was more intelligent than the dolphins, 425 00:26:32,699 --> 00:26:34,704 'because he had achieved so much - 426 00:26:34,824 --> 00:26:36,155 'the wheel... 427 00:26:36,378 --> 00:26:37,658 'New York... 428 00:26:38,022 --> 00:26:39,842 'wars, and so on... 429 00:26:41,239 --> 00:26:43,592 'whilst all the dolphins had ever done 430 00:26:43,712 --> 00:26:46,504 'was muck about in the water having a good time. 431 00:26:47,185 --> 00:26:52,120 'The dolphins believed they were more intelligent than man 432 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,440 'for precisely the same reasons. 433 00:26:56,054 --> 00:26:56,791 'Curiously enough, 434 00:26:56,911 --> 00:27:00,400 'the dolphins had long known of the impending demolition of Earth, 435 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:04,160 'and made many attempts to alert mankind of the danger... 436 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,179 'but most of their communications were misinterpreted 437 00:27:07,299 --> 00:27:11,638 'as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for titbits, 438 00:27:11,758 --> 00:27:15,239 'so they eventually gave up and left the Earth by their own means, 439 00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:17,858 'shortly before the Vogons arrived. 440 00:27:18,632 --> 00:27:20,370 'The last-ever dolphin message 441 00:27:20,490 --> 00:27:24,069 'was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt 442 00:27:24,189 --> 00:27:27,294 'to do a double-backward somersault through a hoop 443 00:27:27,414 --> 00:27:30,320 'whilst whistling the Star-Spangled Banner... 444 00:27:30,558 --> 00:27:32,836 'but, in fact, the message was this: 445 00:27:37,610 --> 00:27:40,463 'In fact, there was only one species on the planet 446 00:27:40,583 --> 00:27:42,471 'more intelligent than dolphins, 447 00:27:42,718 --> 00:27:44,444 'and they spent a lot of their time 448 00:27:44,564 --> 00:27:46,739 'in behavioural research laboratories 449 00:27:46,859 --> 00:27:51,036 'conducting frighteningly elegant and subtle experiments on man. 450 00:27:51,835 --> 00:27:54,080 'The fact that man once again 451 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:57,640 'completely misinterpreted this relationship 452 00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,640 'was entirely according to these creatures' plans, 453 00:28:00,948 --> 00:28:04,001 'as Arthur Dent will shortly discover.' 454 00:28:04,121 --> 00:28:07,394 Earthman, we are now deep in the heart of Magrathea. 455 00:28:07,514 --> 00:28:08,936 How d'you know I'm an Earthman? 456 00:28:09,056 --> 00:28:12,623 These things will become clear - clearer than they are at the moment. 457 00:28:12,743 --> 00:28:13,644 Oh... 458 00:28:16,392 --> 00:28:17,237 I should warn you 459 00:28:17,357 --> 00:28:19,050 the chamber we are about to enter 460 00:28:19,170 --> 00:28:21,977 does not literally exist within our planet. 461 00:28:22,097 --> 00:28:26,600 It is the gateway into a vast tract of hyperspace. It may disturb you. 462 00:28:27,296 --> 00:28:31,800 It scares the willies out of me. Hold tight! 463 00:28:49,772 --> 00:28:52,167 Welcome to our factory floor. 464 00:28:52,754 --> 00:28:55,680 This is where we make most of our planets, you see. 465 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:57,619 You're starting up again now? 466 00:28:57,739 --> 00:28:58,734 Good heavens, no! 467 00:28:58,854 --> 00:29:02,207 No, the Galaxy isn't nearly rich enough to afford us yet. 468 00:29:02,327 --> 00:29:07,532 We've been awakened to perform just one extraordinary function 469 00:29:07,652 --> 00:29:10,320 for very... special clients 470 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:12,520 from another dimension. 471 00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:13,911 It may interest you. 472 00:29:14,031 --> 00:29:16,682 There-in front of us. 473 00:29:19,607 --> 00:29:20,680 The Earth! 474 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,880 Well, the Earth Mark II, in fact. 475 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:27,080 We're making a copy from our original blueprints. 476 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,482 Are you telling me you originally made the Earth? 477 00:29:29,602 --> 00:29:33,120 Oh, yes. Did you ever go to a place...? 478 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,680 I think it was called Norway. 479 00:29:36,229 --> 00:29:37,400 No, I didn't. 480 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,040 Pity. That was one of mine. 481 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,088 Won an award, you know. 482 00:29:42,323 --> 00:29:44,440 Lovely crinkly edges. 483 00:29:44,690 --> 00:29:47,379 I was most upset to hear of its destruction. 484 00:29:47,661 --> 00:29:49,058 YOU were upset?! 485 00:29:49,178 --> 00:29:51,571 Five minutes later, it wouldn't have mattered. 486 00:29:51,691 --> 00:29:55,000 - Big cock-up. The mice were furious. - Mice? 487 00:29:55,363 --> 00:29:58,433 Earthman, the planet you inhabited 488 00:29:58,553 --> 00:30:03,080 was commissioned, paid for and run by the mice. 489 00:30:03,497 --> 00:30:06,840 It was destroyed five minutes before the completion of the purpose 490 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,804 for which it was built. We have to build another one. 491 00:30:10,298 --> 00:30:11,930 Mice? 492 00:30:54,567 --> 00:30:57,608 'ARTHUR bruised his upper arm.' 493 00:30:58,608 --> 00:31:08,608 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org